


Won't Let Go

by thelostrealist23



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Alternative Perspective, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 19:55:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1523624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelostrealist23/pseuds/thelostrealist23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is right after Rae breaks up with Finn (it was like someone punched me). It's from Finn's perspective which I think we all need all the time. It's named after the song "Won't Let Go" by Andrew Ripp. I accept any ALL Feedback, positive and negative.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Won't Let Go

Rae! He screamed with all my might. RAE! Why didn’t she turn around? He needed for her to turn around and tell him this was a joke.He wanted for this to be a joke. He should say something, anything to make her turn around. He should tell her he loves her, but the words just didn’t seem to be there. Everything was blurry, his skin feels ice cold. He can’t breathe, it’s like all the air has been sucked out. Why won’t she turn around? He loves her. He had the perfect time for his brain to form words, but it’s as if his brain, his mouth, his legs all shut down. He should tell her what he really wanted to tell her yesterday. He loved her because she loved music as much as he did. He loved her because she not only strong and fearless, she was also quiet and observing like him. He loved her ever since he saw those twats pick on her and he had the overwhelming feeling to punch the shit out of them. He wanted her to feel safe around him. He wanted to be the one she could come to with anything. He have never met someone who pushes him like Rae does. They made sense, so why was she walking away?

Fuck. Has he messed everything up? He wracked his brain for anything he might have said or done, he came up with nothing. FUCK THIS. He stormed into the house. He kicked the door close. He kept replaying her words. “Finn I can’t be with you anymore. I’m not strong enough.” He broke the kettle. “I don’t think I can do this anymore, yesterday was too much. Here’s your jacket.” He kicked the couch. She had just walked off. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t work this out. He should have said how he felt long before her mum’s reception. This was his fault and he knew it. She was mad at him because he screwed this up. The overwhelming amount of guilt was too much. Tears started to stream down his face. He didn’t try to stop them, what was the point? The last time he felt this way his Nan had just died and Rae was the one to comfort him. Now, she was no where to be found.

He ruined everything. Maybe, he shouldn’t have tried so much. Maybe, she wasn’t attracted to him, sexually and he was pushing her to do something she didn’t want to do. Maybe, she didn’t want hold his hand in public. Maybe, she wanted to play the field and he was just holding her back. Maybe, she met someone else who didn’t want to spend so much time with her. Maybe, he was suffocating her and she didn’t want to be so tied down. There were too many possibilities as to why things were going so wrong. He needed to sleep but how the hell was he supposed to sleep knowing that tomorrow will be the same, no Rae. What’s the point?

After the worst night of his light, he woke up feeling terribly. He barely slept but he needed something to take his mind off of what happened last night. He probably should clean up the mess he made in the kitchen. He walked downstairs when the phone rang. He didn’t think he could run any faster to get the phone, “Rae” “No, you knobhead its Chop. Didn’t you two love-birds have another sleepover last night.” Fuck it was Chop. If he told him what happened he would have to admit that it happened. Rae had actually broke up with him. Plus, Chop would either make a joke out of it or tell Izzy who would tell Rae and she would know exactly how weak he was. Well fuck it, he already hurt more than anything else, how bad can it get. “Chop, Rae broke up with me last night.” There he said it. At least he didn’t choke up or cry. I guess it was real, she actually broke up with him. It didn’t matter whether he blamed himself or not, it happened. She ended it. But how was he supposed to be around her when he was still so completely in love with her. “Oh shit! Finn are you serious?! You guys just started dating. What happened?” But what did happen? What started all of this? He didn’t even see her the first week of college. So what started this all? She was clearly avoiding him, had she been planning the break up this whole time. “I don’t know what happened, Chop, I honestly have no idea what happened. I thought we were great. I don’t know, mate. I messed up somehow.” “Oi, mate. Are you listenin’. I said you need to talk to her. Maybe, you two love-birds can fix this.” Chop was half right, he did need to talk to her. But say what? What was he going to say? That he loved her and she was being a dickhead again? Probably not, seeing as last time he called her a dickhead she broke up with him. “Yea. You’re right. I’m going to call her and see if we can meet up. I gotta go, see ya later Chop.” “It will work out mate, you two make sense. Just like me and Izzy. Go on, go get your girl back.” Chop hung up the phone. Damn that Chop. He was right, they did make sense. He wasn’t going to let go. He was going to fight to get his girl back. He needed to, he was in love with her.

When they planned to meet up in the park, he was nervous. He couldn’t help going over what he wanted to say, what he needed to say. But when he saw her, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t even breathe. It was as if the whole world was spinning and everything was a blur. He needed air, just the sight of her made him want to run over and kiss the life out of her. Kiss those wonderful lips. As he got closer, he realized it wouldn’t make a difference. The look on her face said everything, it was too late and there was nothing he could do to change it. She was lost to him and he nearly ran away. He didn’t want to face her, to look into those big brown eyes and see nothing. He didn’t want to be anywhere near her, not right now anyway. He needed time to process what was happening. Every step was a pain in his chest, he didn’t know if he would even make it to her. He just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. But no, he couldn’t do that, he needed to hear her voice. Or maybe he didn’t want, to he was confused and he didn’t need to be near her. It’s now or never.


End file.
